If you’re like me perhaps something happened to rob you of your confidence? Or maybe you’ve never felt confident?
Wherever you’re at the great news is that confidence is a learnt skill. And can be acquired at any age or stage of life.
Contrary to the popular belief, people aren’t born confident. They’ve learnt to be confident, and you can too!
Confidence leaves clues. And there’s a huge difference between feeling confident and acting cocky. People exhibiting cocky mannerisms are usually far from confident. They just have a well oiled “act” or “persona” they show the world.
When in fact underneath their persona they probably feel far from confident. I’m referring to authentic confidence which starts on the inside and radiates out. So I’ve compiled a list below:
Here are a few things you should STOP doing immediately.
- PLAYING THE “COMPARE AND DESPAIR GAME”
Confident people only look to others for inspiration. Inspiration to develop a skill, develop a mindset, improve themselves in some way. Versus comparing themselves and feeling “not good enough” or “inadequate.”
- GIVING THEIR INNER CRITIC PERMISSION TO RUN THE SHOW
You may think you’re the only one with an inner critic that puts you down and tells you you’re not pretty enough, handsome enough, clever enough etc….. but we ALL have one. Its what we do with it that can have a MASSIVE impact on our self esteem, self worth and self confidence. Confident people have learnt to reprogram their inner critic and you can too
- DWELL ON PAST MISTAKES
Confident people understand that making mistakes is the most natural and quickest way to learn valuable life lessons. So instead of beating themselves up for making mistakes, they focus on getting the lesson ie: what they need to do differently next time, adjust their sails and get on with it.
- RENT OUT VALUABLE BRAIN SPACE TO FEAR
Let’s just de-bunk a myth once and for all. Confident people still feel fear. They just handle it differently to most people. Instead of allowing it to hold them back, they use it to catapult them forward. Have you heard the saying “feel the fear and do it anyway.” They transform their fear and turn it into positive adrenaline.
- JUDGE THEMSELVES HARSHLY
Confident people have wrestled their demons and won. They feel comfortable in their skin and love themselves warts and all. So they don’t spend their time berating themselves, or putting themselves down. Instead they aspire to developing their skill sets to being the best they can be. And love and accept themselves for their strengths and their weaknesses.
- ALLOW WHAT OTHERS THINK OF THEM TO DICTATE HOW THEY LIVE THEIR LIVES
They understand that not everyone is going to like them, agree with them, support them in achieving their goals etc…. Confident people don’t need other people’s approval to tell them they’re good enough.
- BEING A “PEOPLE PLEASER” ~ Saying yes when they mean no
When we say yes to someone when we’d really prefer to say no, its usually being driven by a fear. What will they think if I me if I say no? Will they be offended? Will they stop inviting me? Confident people are capable of saying no graciously, without offending people.
- REFRAIN FROM ASKING QUESTIONS FOR FEAR OF WHAT OTHERS WILL THINK
Confident people are comfortable asking questions. And understand they’re never going to have all the answers. They realise its not a reflection on their intelligence. They have the confidence to ask for help in areas they lack expertise or don’t understand.
- ALLOW OTHER PEOPLE TO BURST THEIR BALLOON AND TELL THEM THEY’LL NEVER ACHIEVE THEIR GOALS AND DREAMS
Confident people often take risks that others would never dare to take. Which leaves them open to criticism. The one’s who are usually the most vocal critics are the people that allow fear to dictate what they can and can’t achieve. So when they see someone striving for something they’d never have the courage to do, they feel a need to pull them down to their level ~ so they feel more comfortable.
In Australia we refer to it as the “Tall Poppy Syndrome.” Its used to describe a social phenomenon in which people of genuine merit are resented, attacked, cut down, or criticised because their talents or achievements elevate them above or distinguish them from their peers.
In the US its known as “Crab mentality.” The metaphor refers to a pot of crabs. Individually, the crabs could easily escape from the pot, but instead, they grab at each other in a useless “king of the hill competition” which prevents any from escaping and ensures their collective demise. And is fuelled by the belief “if I can’t have it, neither can you.”
Someone with confidence sees this type of behaviour for what it really is, and never allows “dream busters” to rain on their parade. Or stop them from striving for something or feeling confident about their accomplishments.
To end I’d like to share with you what Self Confidence really is:
Its a feeling – an inner fire and an outer radiance, a basic satisfaction with what one is, plus a reaching out to become more. Confidence isn’t something a few people are born with and others are not. It’s an acquired characteristic.
Yours in confidence,